fun 1

topic archives: fun 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 III-2004: 03 07 08 08-2 22

fun 1

t boone pickens sues god

“Pickens has lodged a formal complaint with the Judiciary Tribunal of NAFTA, charging Mother Nature with ‘dumping’ cheap rain” .

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running out of oil? no problem we'll mine texan water next

19.12.2002

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running out of oil? no problem we'll mine texan water next

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the ridiculous great american ‘drug war’

Now those daft Americans are host to at least 54 would be cocaine traders.

And, of course, the traffic keeps right on flowing. All these idiots wasting each others time: smugglers, jailors, jail builders, customs noseys, jet setting baybees, ’social’ ‘workers’, layers of lawyers; as well as there being unnecessary jet flights to carry a few pounds of drugs, acres of newspaper and court reports, and still the sorry catalogue continues. Lives blighted and make-work for morons.
The whole panoply of human folly in a simple tale of humans chasing their own tails.

Human ingenuity:

“"Wilson and his associates would puncture a hole in baby formula cans with a hammer and nail, use a hypodermic needle to drain the formula and replace it with cocaine—liquified in a blender with hot water—and solder the hole.”

The entrepreneurial spirit:

“Before their child was even born, the parents agreed to be paid $200 for allowing her to be taken on drug smuggling trips, plus some complimentary marijuana. Three weeks after she was born, the baby made her first trip to Panama.”

And the ultimate in human stupidity:

“The plot first began to unravel when a shortage of available babies led organizers to send women on trips with just the formula cans. On Jan. 29, 1999, Wilson dropped Latara Ware off at Newark Liberty International Airport with six formula cans, containing about 2 kilos of cocaine, but no baby.”

14.12.2002

kylie’s sweet bottom

“The calendar has 31 windows, with a piece of chocolate hidden under each. But the December 27 date has proved too tempting for young British boys, with gangs crowding around the display to pinch the chocolate.”

sorry to drop in on you like this

“Cold air pumped through the hole a few feet from the foot of their bed. She peered through and saw the red car smoking and groaning 15 feet below. Its owner, Louis Tirella, 56, was leaning against the house, smoking a cigarette and waiting for police to arrive.”

I do not like Saddam-I-am!
with apologies to Dr. Seuss....

are you getting your share?

for the black humour brigade only—the saddo-meter.....

“stop using your own name bill wyman,” says william george perks

more votes for the pope, but where’s the action?
Il Papa wants the Italians to have more baybeees.
A fine sentiment from a person who has avowedly avoided that duty!

texas man tries to get into house,
blames problems on Mary Poppins
[Reuters, 13.11.02]

Stop laughing, abelard, it’s not really funny.

hey, look where you're going!
BERLIN – A German bank robber who forgot to cut open eye slits in his mask and lifted it up to demand money was convicted and sentenced to four years in jail.
[Reuters, 12.11.02]

and did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, mister chrysler?
or
go, and sin more....

day 1 [Independent, 16.10.02]

day 2 [Independent, 17.10.02]

does your squirrel need ritalin?
How the pesky critters disturb the peace.
(See this item for more about Ritalin.)

sherlock becomes honorary fellow of the royal society of chemistry
“He was probably the first truly scientific detective.”
“Honorary fellows have to be people with distinctions in chemistry or related scientists, and I don't think Tintin quite qualifies.”

hi daddy!
Fun, but not for those involved in this incident!

Link source: Bruce Tober

everyone’s an art critic
“The ... Supreme Court is not ready to decide if tattoos are art”.
In South Carolina, going to a neighbouring state, to tattoo or to be tattooed is o.k., using henna for skin decoration is o.k., but the real inked thing is a ‘crime’.

By not admitting tattooing to be art, the courts avoid tackiling the question of whether the tattooist is being prevented from exerting their constituitional right to free artistic expression.
(AP, 7.10.02]

However, don’t forget that, according to the Old Testament, tattooing is a no-no:
(thanks to Dirk Bruere)
“You shall not make [...] any tattoo marks on yourselves.” [Leviticus 19:28]
others quote from the New Testament,
“your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.” [1Corithians, 6:19-20]
What is wrong with decorated temples I don’t pretend to know!

Is this why, perhaps, some of american ‘justice’ disapproves of tattoos?

the 2002 ig nobel prizes

The winner in the interdisciplinary section:
The world pinnacle of navel gazers:

The origin and development of belly button fluff

“Age - We asked people into which five-year age group they fitted, ranging from 16 to 75. The numbers in each age category dropped off evenly with age. There were the greatest number of respondents (768) in the 16-20 group, and the lowest (3) in the 71-75 group. There were still enough in the 51-55 age group (62) to do meaningful statistics. The clear result was that the older you get, the more BBL you get.”
[N.B. BBL = Belly Button Lint]

It continues in glory!

I kid you not, these are genuine scientific projects.

babbling baybeees and babbling psyentists

Is speech run by a general Turing machine, or is it a hard wired instinct?
[NY Times, 02.10.02]

What is the value of a euro? (Xavier reporting)

You might think a euro is merely worth a euro – logical – but in Euroland nothing is as it seems.

There are 88 different coins in the euro-coin collection . Each coin has a design on one side common to all countries in the EU and a national design on the other side. The national designs may found from this page.

In France, the current value of euro coinage varies greatly, depending on its origin.

These are the prices that some of the coins will fetch when sold to French collectors:–
Vatican: 1 € is valued at 130 €, while 1 centime (0.01€) sells for 30 €
San Marino: 1 and 10 centimes each fetch 40€
Finland: 1 € sells for 40 €, and 1 centime for 6 €
Greece: 1 € is valued at 10 €
Monaco: 1 centime goes for 8 €
Luxembourg: 1 € fetches 5 €, and 1 centime 3 €

The Vatican coins are the most valued – there were only 60,000 packaged sets produced for collectors. Next in the valued list are the coins from the ‘micro-states’ of San Marino and Monaco (available as sets only), then those of Finland, Greece, Luxembourg, Ireland and Austria—the coins from Finland, Greece and Austria having different national images on some or all of their coins. The least valued are the small denominations from Spain, Germany and Belgium, spread in quantities by frontier-hopping lorry drivers and tourists.

Other than going to Finland and buying bags of euros, the best places in France to happen on foreign euro-change are the main tourist traps: the forest of Fontainebleau, Disneyland, Paris Notre- Dame and the flea markets of Saint-Ouen.

related material
Directory site for coins and coin-collecting

rev. sun myung moon—king of kings....

Moon was informed of his new standing during “a seminar in the spirit world for leaders of five of the great religions.” Explains Mr. Remsen: “40 leaders of the five faiths, as well as Karl Marx and three other Communist greats, express their obeisance to Mr. Moon. At the celestial event, Mohammad is said to have led three cheers, while God submitted a letter stating, ‘I believe in the True Parents.’ ” [National Review Online, 24.07.02]

A mouse a-chawing at the pantry door,
He’s been at it for a month or more;
When he gets through there, he’s going to be sore,
There ain’t a darn thing in there.
                                              (Life gits te-jus don’t it)

A sample verse from a song about life’s woes, dated 1948. If you want to read the rest......
(If you are motivated, last I looked there was a version of Life gits te-jus don’t it by Carson Robinson, performed by Tex Williams, available on an EMI CD: cdb 7921862.)

Well, I thought this was advertising a jam competition until I looked closely.

For your education, Condom is a rather dull little town right in the middle of the top brandy-producing region. So if you want to buy some great brandy and to send your more sensitive friends an eccentric postcard, and take your chance that this is an exciting exhibition, you now know exactly where to head for on your holidays.

The Tour de France has started!
For those without access to French television, this (official) site gives an almost running commentary of the current day’s stage (race), with photos.

And for those who know the lingo, here’s the French version (sometimes, there are different pics too).

email email_abelard [at] abelard.org

© abelard, 2002, 20 july


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